The True Life of Betty Ireland / With Her Birth, Education, and Adventures. Together with Some Account of Her Elder Sister Blanch of Britain. Containing Sundry Very Curious Particulars
Date: 2007-11-09T00:00:00+00:00
Keywords: Satire

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Title: The True Life of Betty Ireland

Author: Anonymous

Release date: November 9, 2007 [eBook #23390]

Language: English

Credits: E-text prepared by Robert Cicconetti, Suzan Flanagan, and the Project Gutenberg Online Distributed Proofreading Team

*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE TRUE LIFE OF BETTY IRELAND ***

E-text prepared by Robert Cicconetti, Suzan Flanagan,
and the Project Gutenberg Online Distributed Proofreading Team
(http://www.pgdp.net)

TRANSCRIBER’S NOTE

The original spelling, hyphenation, and capitalization have been retained. However, long s’s have been transcribed as modern s’s, and minor punctuation corrections have been made on pages 36, 37, and 39.

T  H  E     T  R  U  E

L     I     F     E

OF

Betty  I  R  E  L  A  N  D.

[Price a British Sixpence.]

T  H  E     T  R  U  E

L     I     F     E

OF

Betty  I  R  E  L  A  N  D.

WITH

Her B i r t h,  E d u c a t i o n, and
A d v e n t u r e s.

Together with

Some Account of her elder Sister BLANCH
of BRITAIN.

Containing,

Sundry very curious Particulars.

LONDON, Printed:

DUBLIN, Reprinted for Peter Wilson, in Dame-street.
MDCCLIII.

T  H  E     T  R  U  E

L     I     F     E

OF

Betty  I  R  E  L  A  N  D.

It is agreed on all Hands, that Betty Ireland was a younger Daughter by a second Venter; let, at first, to run wild in the Woods, cloathed with Skins and fed with Acorns; till a famous Hunter took her in his Toils, and, liking her Countenance, gave her to a Son of his, a Lad, to bring up. The Girl was born to a good Estate, but ill tenanted, and run to waste. Her Farms neither meared or bounded, her Rents never paid, as she had no certain Tenants, and had little more to claim than a Pepper-corn Acknowledgment. She had no Relation to manage her Demesnes, and could hardly be said to be possessed of any thing.

In this Condition the young Sportsman found her, was fond of her at first, and resolved to marry her; and happy had it been both for him and her, if he had kept his Resolution, and performed the Contract. But he hankered after his elder Brother’s Estate, and, on his Death, suddenly got the Tenants to attorn to him, and basely dispossessed his Nephew. But instead of an Estate, he got nothing but a Law-suit, lived in Broils, and dyed a Beggar. Whereas had he quitted all Pretensions at home, married Betty and minded her Concerns, he had soon been in a Condition not to envy his Brother; and, perhaps, had left a second Family little inferior in Greatness to the first.

This was the only Chance ever Betty had to make a separate Fortune, set up for herself, and be independent of her Sister. She was ever after beholden to her for maintaining her Rights, settling her Affairs, and bringing her Tenants to Reason.

Neither Betty or her Sister were yet of Age, but the Younger far from it, and continued under such Guardians, as the Elder recommended, and had chosen for herself. It was natural to think they should chiefly be employed in ordering the Affairs of Blanch, and be less attentive to benefit the other. Accordingly, from time to time, they sent Proxies, to let Leases, keep her Courts, and force Possession, where the Tenants held over. Little, however, was done for Betty, though they put her Sister to great Charges; nor did she thrive in the World to any Purpose, ’till she came under the Care of a good orderly Gentlewoman, who was also Guardian to Blanch, a notable Manager, and very affectionate to her Wards, understood their Business to a hair, and was never to be imposed on or over-reached. Every thing she put her hand to prospered, and every thing against her miscarried.

When she first looked into Betty’s Affairs, she found them in a manner desperate; her small Revenues had been embezzled by Agents, Farms set to insolvent Tenants, double Leases made out, huge Fines taken in Hand and sunk in their own Pockets. She was preyed upon by Vagabonds and Outlaws; and, to compleat her Misfortunes, a Foreign Count fell in love with her, an odious Monster and braggadocio Huffer. He swore bitterly no one else should have her, and to support his Claim, brought in his Pocket, a pretended Licence from the Spiritual Court, and a Pack of outlandish Goths along with him, to take Possession of her Freehold, and break down her Gates. But her Sister generously came in to her Assistance, repelled Force by Force, and rescued her from a Tyrant Ravisher, built Houses for herself, and Fences for the Tenants, and left some of her own People with her to instruct them in Trades and Husbandry.

She was then, it might be thought, in a Way of making herself respected, both by her own and her Sister’s Tenants, and not stand in need of any more Supplies from them; and if the good Woman, her guardian, had lived to bring Matters to any Kind of Establishment, Things had been better. But she unfortunately died, more, however, to her Sister’s Disadvantage than hers; for the Guardian had chalked out a Track of Proceeding for Betty, which she could hardly miss to follow. The Elder, however, was inconsolable for the Loss of her Guardian, and resolved, for the future, to manage her Concerns by the Assistance of a Steward, a Sort of a Cousin to her Guardian deceased, but no way allied to her, in Worth or Understanding. He minded nothing but Hunting and Puppet-shews, Feasts and Revels; and though the uncomeliest of an ill-favoured Race, spent his Lady’s Money in adorning his own Person, instead of fencing her Grounds. He was laughed at by one half of the Neighbours, and despised and gulled by the other. In a Word, he was every Way unfit for the Charge.

His Son succeeded to the Place; he was a grave-looking, orderly young Man, main religious, and skilled in the Customs of the Manor. Both the Sisters had great Hopes their Affairs would thrive under his Management. Betty’s, indeed, went on well for a while; but, in the End, both of them had Cause to complain, and curse the Day they had bethought them of employing a Steward in their Concerns. He was not so great a Fool as his Father; yet nothing he put his Hand to succeeded. He was bubbled by every Neighbour he dealt with, and choused by every Tenant he trusted. His Word could never be relied on, as he had always some quibble to evade it. His Wife made him hated by the Tenants; and for a finishing Stroke to his undoing, and compleat the Ruin of his Wards, he pretended the Steward had a Right to hold Courts without Juries, and by his own Authority levy Money for Repairs. The Tenants would not endure this Invasion on their Rights, but stoutly opposed it; and, after a hard Struggle, got the better, turned him out of the Stewardship, and some of them finding him one Day at a why-not, tied him to a Rope, and hanged him in a Frolick.

The Office of a Steward was now abolished for a Time, and the elder Sister resolved to take her Affairs entirely into her own Hands, and have neither Steward or Guardian for the future. The Condition, indeed, of both was deplorable. There had been nothing during the late Quarrel, but Riot and Plunder, Rents unpaid, and Soldiers quartered at Discretion; so that, in order to retrieve their Affairs, it seemed necessary to put things on a new Footing, and trust none but themselves to manage them. But whatever they intended mattered but little.

Among the Soldiers quartered on them was a bustling Knave, who from a Corporal had come to be a Captain. He was bold as a Lion, and crafty as a Fox. He had cajoled his Soldiers to stand by him; and pretending Compassion for the Sisters, offered, or rather forced himself, to be their Guardian. They only complied because they could not help it; and he took more rule over them, than ever Steward or Guardian had done before him.

He seemed, indeed, to mend Matters in the Beginning, but, in reality, did unrepairable Damage to Blanch, though considerable Services to Betty. The Neighbours all around thought they were thriving apace, and began to envy their Greatness. The Reason of which was, that he always took care to have the Girls well dressed, especially when they went a visiting, and sent Word before-hand (for he was d——d proud) that all the World should Cap to them as they passed along. He stinted them in every thing else, but spent all he could rap and run to make them fine. Betty was bashful, and kept pretty much at home; but when Blanch went abroad, she made a flaming Appearance, held up her Head among the Highest, and insulted the Proudest with her Braveries.

But all the while Things were but uncomfortable at home, though she made such a tearing Figure when abroad. Nothing to be had for Farms, by reason the Soldiers put in and out as they pleased. No Leets or Manor Courts were minded. No taxing for Repairs and Bounds, but the Soldiers taxed for Contingencies as much Money as they could hear any one had. So that the Tenants found themselves in a worse Pickle than ever they had been under the Management of a Steward. They longed for Courts and Inquests, and to have every thing set on the old Bottom again.

They heard of a poor Boy, a Son of the late Steward’s, who had run away from the Lands the Time his Father was hanged, and was now grown up to Years of Discretion. As he had bit a good while on the Bridle, they thought he might be tamed, more careful than his Father, and do them more Justice and Kindness. They brought him home in a Hurry; and, as it’s natural to run from one Extreme to another, were sure they were all made when they got him into the Stewardship.

It must be owned, he was a pleasant, good-humoured Fellow as ever broke Bread, civilly behaved, and by no means wanted Capacity for the Business. But he was idle to a Degree, followed W——ng and Horse-racing; and provided he could borrow Money enough from the Tenants, or get Presents from the Neighbours, to treat his Wenches and buy them Top-knots, never heeded how Accounts were settled, how he held the Courts, or how he paid the Servants. Farm-houses went to decay, and Strangers forestalled the Markets. Few People, however, could find in their Heart to hate him. They had a Love for him, though he was daily undoing them: For it was always their Humour to like a boon Companion; and instead of crossing his Prodigality, they followed his Example, wh——ed it away from the highest to the lowest, revelled and caroused for dear Blood, and were never better pleased than when the last Penny was a going. It became a Fashion to be Bankrupt; to be Rich, was to lose all Credit; and to be Just, was the Mark of a Scoundrel.

But though the elder Sister was well-nigh undone by him, he did a good Turn by Betty, and sent one of his Cousins to take care of her Concerns, who had a good Farm of his own under her, and was well-beloved over the whole Estate. He kept Leet and Court-Baron, presented Vagabonds at the Sessions, and gave Rewards for apprehending Out-laws. He set the Tenants to Work, lived constantly among them, and looked himself into every thing. Betty began to thrive, and was less expensive to her Sister, who had wasted huge Sums to keep her Head above Water. She stuck to Business, and prospered mainly, ’till the Steward’s Brother got himself into the Place, who played H——ll with every thing, and brought the two Sisters to the Brink of Ruin.

He was rash, senseless, obstinate, and ill-minded; none of the Neighbours would deal with him, or the Tenants trust him, as there was no believing one Word he said, or promise that he made; for he had taken an Oath when he was young never to speak Truth. He began his Vagaries by putting the Curate in the Stocks, for refusing to teach a new Catechism of his own Invention. He entered into a Plot to secure the Elder Sister in the House of Correction, and make her do Penance in the Church, under Pretence of Carnal Conversation. He agreed to sell Betty to a Cousin of his, a great Lord in the Neighbourhood, who longed to have her for a Waiting-woman to his Wife. So the Tenants made short Work with him, rose one and all, and sent him a-packing to his Cousin, where he was fain to be a Serving-man, since he could not send Betty to be a Serving-maid.

Both the Sisters took an Oath never more to have a Steward again, and to abolish the very Name from among them, with a reserve to his Daughters, who had married abroad, and were good sort of Women, in their Way.

Here it was that both the Sisters had their Affairs put on a sure and lasting Footing. The Rights of the Tenants were narrowly examined, and all pretended Powers of the Steward abolished by a Rule on the Court Manor Books. There was, indeed, some Difficulty in bringing it about, and a power of Money laid out on the Occasion. But it was well bestowed had it been twice as much.

There was a Stripling among the neighbouring Fens, who had married a Daughter of the Steward’s, and had got the best Estate there by the Diligence of his Ancestors, who were the principal Engineers in draining and banking the Country. They had often borrowed Money from Blanch to carry on the Work, to stem the Water when the Fen-men were in despair, and prevailed on her to send a strong Posse of her Tenants to keep off some malicious Neighbours, who would ever and anon be boring Holes in the Dikes, and endangered the Overflowing of all the Land they had gained. If ever these wretched People shewed any thing that looked like Gratitude, it was to the Family of their Engineers; and this young Man improved it to his own Advantage, and that of Blanch, whom he acknowledged the Preserver of the Fen-men, who deserved Preservation on no other Account than to make them Pack-horses and Carriers. They were, indeed, a middle Species between Men and Brutes, and chiefly compounded of the latter. But this young Adventurer had got the Ascendant over them, and, as we ordinarily say of vicious Horses, had made the D——l come out of them. He ringed them by the Nose, and bled them with the Spur, and so throughly broke them (for he was a special Horseman) that they never kicked or plunged when he was in the Saddle; but, as the Nature of Beasts is, became the fonder of him the rougher he handled them.

When he understood that Blanch and her Sister were so hampered and Tyrannically treated by the Steward, he came to their Assistance, supplied them with Money, which he raised from the Fen-men, and fairly set them free from his Oppression and Rapine, reversed his Grants, cancelled his sham Leases, restored Possessions, Leets and Manor-Courts, made up Fences for the Tenants, and so strongly secured their Copyholds, that there is no likelihood they will ever be ousted or much disturbed again. And, to crown all the Services he had done the two Sisters, he recommended them, before he parted, to the Care of a neighbouring Lord, a Cousin of his own, and a right honest Man, who proved a Father to them and their People, defended their Rights, and secured their Properties.

And yet Blanch could never rightly like the Fen-man, as she called him, though he had done so much for her. She could not comport herself with his Manners and his Humour, hated the Servants he brought with him, complained they were too costly to her, though she kept them sparingly, and even quarrelled (so exceptious are Women) to the Cut of their Cloaths, and the Colour of their Liveries.

But Betty Ireland had more Gratitude than her Sister, adored him while he stayed with her, and to this Day remembers him as her great Deliverer, the Protector of her Life, and the Founder of her Fortune.

She, indeed, had double Obligations, as her Condition was more helpless than her Sister’s, and she had more severely felt the Tyranny of the Steward, who, because she could not so readily complain of him, had first stripped her of all she had, and then sold her to Bondage. But both Sisters ought surely to reflect, that all the Happiness, and all the Security they have since enjoyed, has been owing to the Friendships he procured them, when he put them under the Protection of his Cousins; and that he has effectually banished the Stewards thereby, who would doubtless otherwise be meddling with their Affairs, and use them worse than ever they did before, as coming in without Leave, they would act without Controul.

But maugre all these Considerations, Blanch was glad when he left her, and ready to leap out of her Skin for joy. She thought of nothing but Diversions, spent her Time and Money in visiting and dressing, ransacked the Globe to set off her Person, and, it must be owned, she never looked handsomer in her Life. Wherever she went, she was adored as an Angel, surrounded by admiring Throngs, and Thousands hanging on her Look.

But all this was empty Pageantry and too expensive Glory. She ran herself in Debt to uphold this Appearance, mortgaged her Estate, and bartered her Stock, for the vain Applause of flattering Knaves, and scoundrel Tradesmen. It was Time to pull in, and keep a Hank in the Hand. She saw her Folly, and doffed her Gear. It was better go plain than run in Debt for Finery; and enough she had to do to pay the Debts she had contracted in her Fit of Vanity.

Betty all the while was minding Business at home, and her Affairs prospered amain. Her Tenants became industrious, and her Estate improved; yet she never thought herself sufficiently secure till she got under the new Protection her Deliverer had provided. Her Situation is particular. She has a strange Mixture of People on her Estate, who are always at Daggers drawing with one another, and a mighty Hindrance to her Business. They are Whites, Blacks, and Black and White. The Whites only are allowed to be Land-holders; but the last, by hiding half the Face when they converse with her, pass for Whites, and make good their Titles. The first are dreadfully maligned by the Blacks, who are unhappily the more numerous, lay old Claims to her Lands, and are ever watching for an Opportunity to make a Riot, and take forcible Possession. ’Till now they were too much favoured by her Sister, which checked the Industry of her Farmers.

But when they found they had nothing to fear, either at home or abroad, they began in earnest to improve their Concerns, as they were sure they were working for themselves, and in no Danger of being dispossessed, by Virtue of chimerical Claims, and Antediluvian Proprietors.

The Blacks, indeed, immediately made a Riot on this new Settlement, but could not get Possession; and, lately, a young Jackanapes pretended a Right to be Steward to both Sisters, by Virtue of a Patent he had got from the last Steward, as if he had a Right to dispose of a Place he had been turned out of himself. He came on the Lands, however, with a bloody-minded Crew of skirtless Vagabonds, drove off the Cattle, robbed the Hen-roosts, and swaggered at so unmerciful a Rate, that Blanch was frightened out of her Senses, and was fain to send for a Dram of Gin to restore her Spirits. But if she was frightened, her Guardian was not, and had a Month’s Mind to find out the Varlet in Person, and tread him under his Feet. But as he could not leave the Hall-house where the Court was sitting, he sent a Lad of his own to take Account of him, who did the Business tightly. He was a well-mettled Blade, and Steel to the Back. He came up with him at the Corner of a Farmer’s Yard, where he gave him and his Desperados a wofull Drubbing, kicked him i’the A——e, soused him in the Horse-pond, which he swam over to save his Bacon, and looked so miserably scared in his Passage, that it’s sure he’ll never try the Ford again.

For a good while before this Alarm happened (which proved nothing but a Bugbear) both the Sisters had a fair Opportunity of minding their Concerns, and getting above the World. Blanch might have paid her Debts, and had Money to the fore; but it was ever her Misfortune to be ill-served by almost all she employed. Never, sure, had Lady so unhandy a Pack about her, and, indeed, it was impossible it could well be otherwise; for she did not chuse her Servants because they were fit for this, or that Office, but because they asked, and would have it, or be horribly out of Humour else, would make a Noise and Uproar at every Court-Leet, terrify the Tenants at every Ale-house, with strange Stories of Designs on their Copy-holds, and wicked Plots just ready to begin; ’till they turned their Heads, and set them madding. So that the poor Lady was fain to take them in, to keep Peace at Home, and to pay them Wages for not doing her Business. The Consequence of which was, she had Clerks could neither write or read; Book, and Cash-keepers, that could not count or cast up, or ever heard of a Ballance in their Lives. And so ridiculous was her Compliance in this Point, that she had once a Lady to curry her Horse, and a Fishmonger for a Grass Bailiff.

’Tis true, she would often change her Servants, but not a Barrel the better Herring. If she got one, by chance, knew any thing of his Business, the rest never left boddering her ’till they had him out. It should never be said they demeaned themselves so much as to serve with one, who would spoil every thing by his Rashness, and disgrace the Service by his Ignorance. Now, by Rashness they meant resenting Insults and Injuries done their Lady; and by Ignorance, not knowing how to buy and sell, and live by the Loss. So that, all Things considered, it were a Marvel her Affairs should be in better Plight than they are, or her Debts be paid with more Ease and Expedition.

Betty, in the mean time, is come to an opulent Fortune, has her Rents well paid, and her Farms daily improving, and would improve ten times more, if her Sister could see her own Advantage so far, as to give her that Encouragement she is daily giving to Strangers, who give her nothing in Return but their Envy and Ill-will. But as it is, Betty’s in a good Way, and makes the most of a bad Market. And since she must not work for her Sister, she works for herself.

It had been a Custom of hers to buy every thing she wanted from her Sister’s Tenants and Tradesmen, though they used her abominably, and put off upon her the worst Goods they had. If the Farmer had damaged Hops, he sold them to Betty Ireland; if his Malt was blinked, away it went to her; and the Pothecary thought his decayed Drugs good enough for Betty, and instead of burning them, laid them by for her, as tho’ she were not a Christian, or had the same Inside as her Sister.

Betty could not help this contemptuous Treatment, as she had nothing she wanted at Home, by reason of her Laziness, though all Materials in abundance were at hand. ’Tis incredible to relate, but, at the Time I am speaking of, certain Fact, on her whole Estate there was not one to be found could make a Buckle for her Shoe, or a Pin to her Sleeve; a Pot, a Spit, or any Utensil to cook her Victuals, might as well be found among the Tartars as with her. She took every thing from her Sister at what Price she pleased, unsight unseen, and bought the Pig in the Poke. Necessity roused her from Stupidity and Sloth, she encouraged her Tenants to apply to Trades, assured them of a ready Market, and rewarded those that did their Work the best; and, at present, has every thing within herself. And tho’ it must be owned a very unreasonable, and not to be endured Instance of her Impudence, she proposes to dress in her own Manufactures, and does not mean to trouble her Sister any longer for cast Cloaths and unmerchantable commodities. But in every other Respect, she desires to keep up a good Correspondence with her, and is daily doing every thing in her Power, to gain her Favour, and procure her Regards. Whatever she can spare from her ordinary Expences, she, in some Shape or other, makes a Present of to her Sister, in Acknowledgement for Services done, and Kindnesses receiv’d in her Minority. Has Blanch a Favourite whom she cannot readily provide for, a poor Relation on hand, or Retainer to the Family, a broken Projector, or cast Serving-man; she has no more to do but acquaint Betty with it, who quickly puts him on a creditable Pension, and never refuses, though she run herself in Debt by it. Is Blanch engaged in a Brangle with her Tenants, (who, by the way, are cursedly litigious) and hard put to it for Hands to do her Business, Betty makes an Offer of sending her People to help her, and maintaining them abroad at her own Charges. Does a Tenant of Blanch come to favour her with a Visit, she receives him with Hospitality and Respect, and would sacrifice her Fortune to make his Entertainment agreeable.

If all this Complaisance should fail of its Effect, and not so succeed as to keep Blanch in good Humour, ’tis easy to say where the Fault must lie, and from what Causes her Discontents arise.

In the first Place, it has ever been the Fate of her Domesticks to be invincibly hated by her Tenants without Difference or Distinction, (for, to say Truth, they have no Head for Distingo’s:) There is but one Thing in the World they hate more, and that is Betty Ireland. Now, the Servants bear hard on Betty, to curry Favour with her Sister’s Tenants, who would go half Way to the D——l to have Betty d——d, are for ever cursing her, and laying all their Misfortunes at her Door. If the Clothier loses his Business, or has his Goods on Hand, ’tis all ’long of Betty: Wheat bears no Price, for Betty has glutted the Market. Whereas, in Fact, they never keep the same Markets. But they forget, they are all so idle and debauched, such gobling and drinking Rascals, and so expensive in blew Beer, that they are forced to put a double Price on every thing goes to Market; so that no Body will deal with them. Indeed, if it incenses them, that Betty won’t buy, burn her own Goods and take off theirs, they must e’en turn the Buckle behind. Blanch will be wiser, for her own sake, than lay Stresses on her Sister, from whom she gets more than by all the World beside, only to humour a Set of grumbling Churls, who don’t know what they would be at; and so extremely senseless, that it’s Matter of Wonder, their Oxen don’t ride them to the Market, and sell them. ’Tis true, a Linen-weaver, one of Blanch’s Tenants, prevailed on her lately to withdraw some Encouragement she had given Betty, and transfer it to a Stranger. But that was owing to bad Advice given her, by a Clerk she has since turned off, and sent a stroling among Brandy-shops and Ale-houses, to backbite his Lady for want of other Employment.

Another Cause of Blanch’s Dislike to her Sister was, a Fright she took, when she was just delivered, at some ill-looking People, who came from Betty’s Lands, and appeared under her Window. There’s no doubt but Blanch has as much Courage as any genteel Lady ought to have, and must have been in a Fit of low Spirits when she, and all her Tenants from her, took so senseless an alarm, as to run distracted thro’ Fear of half a Dozen Fellows cutting all their Throats in one Night, who were ready to run through Fire and Water for Fear of being hang’d themselves; yet certain it is, from this ridiculous Incident, and from nothing else, can be derived, that universal Hatred shewn her by Blanch’s Tenants, though they have never seen, spoken with, or had any Dealings whatever, either with Betty or her Tenants. People must be generous, as well as brave, to forgive those that frighten them.

There’s another Cause of Dislike among such as have Dealings with Betty’s Tenants who come on Business, or to visit her Sister, that they run in debt with them, and don’t pay. So do all their Neighbours, for that matter; but they complain of none but Betty, though it is very well known they make ample Reprisals on her; and one Bite of theirs, is worth a hundred of Betty’s, who are none but such as are despised at home, and can get neither Credit or Company there; for Betty is not yet arrived to that Degree of Politeness, as to court and caress Highway-men and Sharpers, only because they keep good Company, and are Gentlemen of nice Honour, but sincerely wishes her Sister to hang them all.

The last I shall mention (and, to be sure, a wise Cause of Dislike it is) Betty goes once, at least, every Year to pay her Sister a Visit, carries all her Money, puts on her best Cloaths, lives high as long as she has a Penny left. This vexes her Sister, and many a Slut and Flirt she calls Betty, at the very time she is throwing away her Money with both Hands for the Tradesmen and Shoeboys to scramble up. They are both Fools; One for shewing this Contempt, and the other for putting herself in the Way of it.

It is wished, but probably in vain, that the two Sisters would come to a better Understanding. They that have considered the true Interest of both, see plainly that the elder, and consequently the younger, must be shortly undone, if these Bickerings and ill Offices continue. So unnatural a Quarrel between near Relations must make them despised by all the Neighbours around, who are hourly taking the Advantage of it, and profiting themselves by the Hindrance the Sisters give to each other. But their Manners and Disposition are so different, that it’s next to impossible they should ever love one another; tho’, for mutual Interest, and to make that Figure in the Eye of the World which two Ladies of their Distinction and Fortune ought to assume, their Friends may agree to promote jointly their Interests, and never heed how peevish and untoward either of them may be, or pay any Regard to the fanciful Aversions, and ungrounded Jealousies, which are always inseparable from a female Breast.

Tho’ in this History I have rather copied the chaste Brevity of Cornelius Nepos, than the diffused and chatty Eloquence of Plutarch; I shall conclude, in Imitation of the latter, with a Description of the two Ladies, their Persons, Manners, and Inclinations; and, in drawing the Parallel, with Freedom represent, their Vices as well as Vertues, their Faults as well as their Perfections.

Blanch is by much the taller, neat, timbersome, and well made, a lively Look and a sprightly Air. Betty’s Face is full out as handsome as her Sister’s, tho’ not so regular, has more variety and striking Beauties, and, with equal Dressing, would appear more lovely than the other; but she’s a Slattern in her Dress.

As to their Tempers, Pride is the prevailing Passion of the first, and Vanity of the second; from which naturally, and unavoidably arises, every observable Character of their Mind and Manners. Blanch’s Pride makes her selfish and reserved, contemptuous, if not rough, in her Behaviour. Betty’s Vanity makes her open and communicative, fond of shewing herself on all Occasions, complaisant, and caressing, to a Degree of Flattery. As Blanch does not know what it is to have Love or Affection for any one but herself, so she expects it from no one, but claims a great deal of Respect. Betty doesn’t know what Respect for her means, but to gain her Love and Liking would part with all she had. Blanch is frugal in the main, not very hospitable, and seldom lavish but in private Pleasures. Betty is hospitable to Prodigality, lavish to Folly, and thinks nothing a Pleasure that others don’t share in. Hence it comes, that the first loves her Money above all things, the second less than any thing she has any value for at all; that one is anxious to get, the other in haste to spend. Blanch has a good Understanding, but does not know the World, and is commonly choused by her Neighbours. Betty has no Opportunity of knowing the World, as her Sister won’t let her go much abroad or converse with the Neighbours; she has but little Experience, and, to be sure, is not very wise, but is the quickest in the World at finding out a Fool. The elder is cautious, and hides carefully every Fault she is conscious of; the younger is not conscious of any Fault of Folly whatever; so they all come out in her communicative Fits, which seize her as often as she gets a Stranger to talk to. Blanch is the more censorious, and Betty the greater Liar.

If either of the Ladies think the Picture not like, let them call to mind the Story of a famous Painter, who had drawn the Portrait of a young Man, whostood very well with himself, but didn’t please him. “You have drawn me,” said he, “exactly the Reverse of every thing I am.” If it be so, replied the Painter, that must be your Likeness, and set the Picture on the Head.

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